Rebuilding Your Life: Just Hang On

When my heart bleeds it comes out as tears. The blood of my spirit pours out through the tears in my eyes. We bleed when we are emotionally injured, too. Is this one of the reasons God bottles our tears (Psalm 56:8)? If innocent blood cries out, then perhaps the innocent blood of the spirit cries out to a loving and just God, who collects those tears, blood drops of the soul, with the intent to bring justice.

It has been a season of deep betrayal, false accusations, persecution, and pain. Deep body curling pains radiating from the innermost parts of my spirit. Injustice. The thief stealing what is good from the hands of many of his most faithful remnants, not just me. The enemy of our soul is at work and he is causing many tears, much bleeding of the soul in efforts to kill, steal, and destroy. The fruit of his work is fear, disunity, broken relationships, oppression, depression, and more. All things that cause the soul to bleed. And when we are bleeding we do not move, and the enemy thinks he has won. But this is where those who belong to Jehovah just hang in there. Literally.

As His followers, we are called to take up our cross and follow Him (Matt 16:24). We are called to follow Jesus. Be like Him. Act like Him. Endure persecutions and false accusations like Him (John 15:18). All who desire to live godly lives will be persecuted. Will. Be. Persecuted. (2 Tim 3:12). The cross Jesus carried was that cross of injustice, persecution, false accusations and the sins of others inflicting pain and ultimately death. This is who we are called to to take up our crosses and follow. Like HIM. Walk HIS path. The cross we carry following Him is beyond just hard things to do and live out. It is all that is wrong towards us. And we must carry that. A good friend of mine is also walking a “cross road” and shared this concept with me, that after we have done all we are supposed to do, we “just hang”. We just hang there on our cross, like our Lord. Jesus could’ve stopped hanging at any moment, but He knew the joy ahead. The blood of His spirit poured out when he cried out from His cross “Why have you forsaken me, God?!” I have been at an end point, too- the pain so intense. Not to the degrees and depths of Jesus, but a pain filled cross none-the-less. “Why have you forsaken me LORD? Where are You?!” Maybe you have, too? Guilt always tries to creep in at this place, “I should be stronger. My faith should be bigger. Where is the peace that passes understanding? Look at me, when push comes to shove I buckle instead of trusting?” But these are lies. These are real emotions that just have to be stewarded. Jesus felt the withdrawal of the Lord, though we know God did not “desert” Him. It was part of the dying. It will be part of our dying, too.

The resurrection is the point of the whole cross. But there has to be a death. Innocent death laid down voluntarily carries more power than anyone or anything can hold here on earth. It holds great power over darkness. But we are so quick to jump off the cross. I am so quick to jump off. To call down the angels I know are at my disposal and any other resource I can control to bring me justice. But sometimes we are on the Jesus cross and if we are aware of what God is trying to have us do, we might just find ourselves in the middle of beauty from the ashes (Isa 61:3). We all want that- beauty from the ashes. But did you hang there? Did you allow yourself to die like Jesus? I have not. I admit this is a new perspective, and I have been running hard after Jesus for many decades. Just hang there. For the coming joy. Yes, for those who desire to live like Jesus, the cross of persecution, whether in flesh or spirit, leads to a death but triumphantly ends in resurrection life. And with God, the latter is always greater than the former (Hag 2:9).

We will carry the cross of injustice more than once, and each time there is a dying of ourselves for the benefits of others. Often for the benefits of the very people driving the stakes in our hands and the tears from our eyes. What does it look like, just hanging on the cross? I am figuring that out. It seems to be more of a place in my heart, than any actual actions, or there lack of. Some days it has been just being still and crying on my cross. Some days it has been taking action according to His Spirit’s leading, but keeping the posture of my heart still, refraining from taking the actions I want to take. It’s where my flesh reactions stay dead, and I just hang there, calling out to God, though I cannot feel Him. And trusting the process. Because after the death comes the resurrection.

It does not feel any better hanging on a cross with this revelation. It still hurts like the dickens (whatever that is). But it keeps me from crawling off my cross and pursuing my own justice. Some days I find myself doing just that and remind myself, resurrection is coming. Yes, resurrection is coming. Just hang on…